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Lost and Found edits

Revision Table:
alterations made to bring Lost and Found into line with the new canon backstory revealed in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Apologies to readers who are waiting eagerly for a new chapter, because this isn't it. What this is, is a summary of the changes which have been made to Lost and Found in order to bring it into line with the new backstory revealed in Deathly Hallows - although obviously it remains AU from the canon timeline, branching off immediately after the fight in the Ministry of Magic at the end of OotP.

The re-edits were uploaded on 21^st August 2007 (except "rich handsome bachelor" which was added later), so anybody who began reading this story after that date has already read the edited version, and should skip to the next chapter. The changes are, for the most part, minor, which is why I have presented them in this summary form, so readers don't have to re-read the story in its entirety just to find out what's different (unless they really want to, of course).

I have not bothered to note down tiny changes such as capitalizing "Flobberworm", but all changes which affect the meaning of the story are listed here. The main difficulties we had were that we already had our own, completely different version of the Bloody Baron (which we have fudged over simply by assuming that the Grey Lady was lying), and that our version of Albus is much nicer than Rowling's turned out to be. But given his shock and grief over Ariana we felt it was not unreasonable that the sight of Snape's appalling injuries might shake him enough to make him a bit more caring, and the story has been amended to show that this represents a shift in his relationship with Severus, rather than just a continuation of it.

With reference to the similar edits to Mood Music and Sons of Prophecy, I know some readers expressed doubts about whether it was right to revise these stories. Our reasons for doing so are two-fold: just as, aside from the artistic pleasure of telling a story, our reasons for writing them are two-fold.

Firstly, we wanted to examine canon and look at why certain characters, especially Snape, behave as they do. This can only work if the story is compatible with canon: it's no good saying "Harry does this because" and then presenting a reason which has been totally canon-shafted. Secondly, we wanted to show Snape getting the love and care which he is so signally denied in the books. And the Snape revealed in Deathly Hallows is even more in need of a bit of t.l.c. than had already been apparent.

Having completed these revisions, I now have to re-edit a couple of essays. After that, normal updates will be resumed.

Lost and Found

Old:

New:

Prologue
Author's note:
New paragraph:	In addition, when Dumbledore was injured by the cursed Peverell ring he called Snape to assist him immediately, instead of delaying as we are shown that he did (in Snape's memories in Deathly Hallows), so the curse has been stabilized. He has been left with a permanently maimed hand but the curse is not actually progressing.

The story so far
No changes.

1: A Doctor in the House
Story text:
the Headmaster remained oblivious, gazing at his friend's agonized, ruined face	the Headmaster remained oblivious, gazing at the younger man's agonized, ruined face
She saw Professor Dumbledore, shorn of all dignity and all mirth, holding his friend's shoulders,	She saw Professor Dumbledore, shorn of all dignity and all mirth, holding his colleague's shoulders,
Author's note:
Additional last paragraph:	This chapter has been slightly edited in accordance with the new backstory in Deathly Hallows, to reduce the degree to which Dumbledore thinks of Snape as having been his friend prior to his disappearance.

2: Emergency Ward 9¾
Story text:
"There's no way I'm going to get all this lot through the fireplace, Albus"	"There's no way I'm going to get all this lot through the fireplace, Dumbledore"
now that his friend was no longer in such overwhelming agony	now that Snape was no longer in such overwhelming agony
"Unfortunately, yes" Dumbledore said sadly, performing the cleansing spell for his friend.	"Unfortunately, yes" Dumbledore said sadly, performing the cleansing spell with a tenderness which suggested that the younger man might be more to him than just a colleague in trouble.
Dumbledore, trying to monitor his friend's mind with a light touch,	Dumbledore, trying to monitor his patient's mind with a light touch,
Author's note:
Additional last paragraph:	This chapter has been slightly edited in accordance with the new backstory in Deathly Hallows, to reduce the degree to which Dumbledore thinks of Snape as having been his friend prior to his disappearance.

3: Speaking in Tongues
Story text:
"we will have to tell the students that you, and I, and Albus are all indisposed."	"we will have to tell the students that you, and I, and the Headmaster are all indisposed."
Albus had been obliging enough to explain the effects of something called Cruciatus	Dumbledore had been obliging enough to explain the effects of something called Cruciatus
anything which might suggest that his friend might still have a rational mind,	anything which might suggest that Snape might still have a rational mind,
Author's note:
New second paragraph:	This is complicated by the fact that in Deathly Hallows the Weasleys think that they would have been able to regrow George's severed ear, were it not for some special quality in the curse that severed it. It is possible that Moody's leg was severed by just such a curse, and that Voldemort could have regrown Peter a hand of flesh but chose not to. Yet Professor Kettleburn's limbs were surely just torn off by some creature. Obviously there are circumstances under which missing limbs cannot be regrown - or perhaps they never can be, and George's ear could have been regrown only because an ear is quite a simple thing without bones, tendons or muscles.
New last paragraph:	This chapter has been slightly edited in accordance with the new backstory in Deathly Hallows, to reduce the degree to which Dumbledore thinks of Snape as having been his friend prior to his disappearance, and to show people tending to think of him more as "Dumbledore" than as "Albus".

4: Waking Dreams
Story text:
Albus, with his irritating ability to look on the bright side,	Dumbledore, with his irritating ability to look on the bright side,
Albus had no desire to commit another sort of rape by forcing his friend's mind.	Albus had no desire to commit another sort of rape by forcing the victim's mind.
He gestured wordlessly at his friend's terrible injuries	He gestured wordlessly at Snape's terrible injuries
he would have his prickly, over-sensitive, painfully dignified friend Severus	they would have the old prickly, over-sensitive, painfully dignified Severus
"a false you and a false Albus"	"a false you and a false Dumbledore"
Author's note:
Additional last paragraph:	This chapter has been slightly edited in accordance with the new backstory in Deathly Hallows, to reduce the degree to which Dumbledore thinks of Snape as having been his friend prior to his disappearance, and to show people tending to think of him more as "Dumbledore" than as "Albus".

5: Stone Walls Do Not a Prison Make
Story text:
"...boy never stops growing. I worry about him, Albus"	"...boy never stops growing. I worry about him, Dumbledore"
she could see that Albus was right	she could see that Dumbledore was right
she and Albus were splitting Potions classes between them	she and Dumbledore were splitting Potions classes between them
no worse than he was with Albus et al.	no worse than he was with Dumbledore et al.
"Oh - oh God, Albus, Lucius will want him to take the Mark! You have to help him, Albus!" "If I can, I will. For all his faults, I do not believe Lucius would deliberately endanger him. Shh, now, don't distress yourself. The best thing you can do for any of your Slytherins right now is to rest and grow stronger. Will you eat a little?" "Very well, Albus. If you insist." But when he had tasted it he turned his face away and said sourly "What is this slop?"	"Oh - oh God, Lucius will want him to take the Mark! You have to help him, Dumbled'dore!" His tongue stumbled over the multiple consonants in his weariness and his weakness, and the older man clicked his own tongue in irritation. "Call me Albus, child, if you prefer - it's easier to say. If I can help Draco, I will. For all his faults, I do not believe Lucius would deliberately endanger him. Shh, now, don't distress yourself. The best thing you can do for any of your Slytherins right now is to rest and grow stronger. Will you eat a little?" "Very well, D-Dumbledore. Albus. If you insist." "I do - on both counts." "Feels strange...." the young man murmured drowsily. "Y'r Headmaster...." "But I hope that I am also your friend - or, if I have not always been so in the past, then I do intend to be in the future." "Pity?" the other man jibed, his mouth twisting. "I suppose pity is all I'm bloody worth." "Say rather that coming so close to losing you has made me realize the value of what I would have lost and the, the courage you showed in a rôle which I at least partially forced on you. None of which alters the fact that you need to eat." "Very well - Albus. If you insist." But when he had tasted it he turned his face away and said sourly "What is this slop?"
"You're not a burden," his friend and sometime employer replied firmly, "and you may have anything you want that's within our power to give." And thought, Please don't ask me to kill somebody for you, although if it was one of his friend's torturers he'd be sorely tempted to do it.	"You're not a burden," his new-found friend and sometime employer replied firmly, "and you may have anything you want that's within our power to give." And thought, Please don't ask me to kill somebody for you, although if it was one of this frail, ruined young man's torturers he'd be sorely tempted to do it.
Author's note:
Additional three paragraphs:	Although we are re-editing this story to make it compatible with the new backstory in Deathly Hallows, we have invested too much in our version of the Bloody Baron to change him now. For present purposes I am assuming, therefore, that the Grey Lady is a fantasist who is lying when she says that the Baron was her rejected suitor who killed both her and himself. It's a fudge, OK - but no worse than some of JKR's own fudges. An even more major canon problem is that our version of Albus Dumbledore is very much kinder and warmer than the one we see in Deathly Hallows. However, given that he spent his teens regarding his sister as a burden and then a century racked with guilt over her death, it seems possible that he would be capable of guilt and grief over Severus's injuries when he was actually hit over the head with the reality of his suffering - and guilt and grief might grow into real affection. So I think our version of Albus in this story could be canon compatible, even though he's stretching it a bit. This chapter has been slightly re-edited to reduce the degree to which Dumbledore thinks of Snape as having been his friend prior to his disappearance, and to show him moving towards real friendship now, and encouraging Severus to call him "Albus" rather than "Dumbledore".

6: Holding On
Story text:
"Albus, please - don't shame me with the rubbish I talk when I'm - not concentrating."	"Dumbledore - Albus - please: don't shame me with the rubbish I talk when I'm - not concentrating."
"I ask honesty of my friend."	"I ask honesty of a friend."
"That was why - why you asked Albus to cover the snakes?"	"That was why - why you asked Dumbledore to cover the snakes?"
Author's note:
Additional last paragraph:	This chapter has been slightly edited in accordance with the new backstory in Deathly Hallows, to show Snape getting used to the idea of saying "Albus", rather than "Dumbledore" as was formerly his habit.

7: Sleeptalking
Story text:
He shuddered, turning his face towards the older man's chest, his snowy beard. "He took everything else from me: after they had - hurt me enough I couldn't hold my barriers any more, not my body and not my mind, but He - He can't comprehend love, He doesn't have the wiring for it, so He'll believe any foolishness of those who do. He - He wanted it to be true, so that He could sneer at the thing He can't have, can't feel so I - I think I did manage to deceive Him, in that at least. And I knew that - that He would probably want to taunt you with the details of what He'd done to me and if it included that, Lupin here would know that it was false, that I had still lied to Him and that I hadn't - hadn't betrayed you completely." "I don't see that you betrayed me at all - not that I'd be worrying about it if you did, the circumstances being what they are." "I should - should have found some way to keep Him out, instead of which He - He stripped my mind of information about the Order. Albus I - " "Hush, now - if you still managed to mislead Tom at all, you were doing much better than one could reasonably expect. You deserve a medal - literally - and I mean to see that you get one." "A medal! - just because I managed to keep one corner of my mind clear while I was - mewling for mercy and spilling every secret I possessed."	He shuddered, turning his face towards the older man's chest, his snowy beard: though it still seemed strange to him, to meet kindness where he had expected scorn, from a man who had been so harsh and unyielding over his transgressions in the past - the great Albus Dumbledore, whose avuncular twinkle had hidden an iron heart. As a youth he had cringed before the old man's wrath and stammered for forgiveness; as a man, fire-hardened, he had met it with equal harshness of his own. "He took everything else from me: after they had - hurt me enough I couldn't hold my barriers any more, not my body and not my mind, but He - He can't comprehend love, He doesn't have the wiring for it, so He'll believe any foolishness of those who do. He - He wanted it to be true, so that He could sneer at the thing He can't have, can't feel so I - I think I did manage to deceive Him, in that at least. And I knew that - that He would probably want to taunt you with the details of what He'd done to me and if it included that, Lupin here would know that it was false, that I had still lied to Him and that I hadn't - hadn't betrayed you completely." "I don't see that you betrayed me at all - not that I'd be worrying about it if you did, the circumstances being what they are." "I should - should have found some way to keep Him out, instead of which He - He stripped my mind of information about the Order." Acceptance and genuine-seeming concern from Dumbledore still left him floundering as if the floor had been yanked sideways out from under him, but cringing and pleading had, shamingly, become his default position. "Albus I - " "Hush, now - if you still managed to mislead Tom at all, you were doing much better than one could reasonably expect. You deserve a medal - literally - and I mean to see that you get one." "A medal!" And there went harshness, bang on cue, even if it was directed at himself. "Just because I managed to keep one corner of my mind clear while I was - mewling for mercy and spilling every secret I possessed."
"I wish I was twenty years old, and handsome, and having an athletically sexual affair with a rich sultry widow twice my age"	"I wish I was twenty years old, and smoulderingly beautiful, and having an athletically sexual affair with a rich handsome bachelor twice my age"
Author's note:
Additional last paragraph:	This chapter has been re-edited in accordance with the new backstory in Deathly Hallows, to comment on the fact that Albus had sometimes been very hard on Snape in the past, before he was injured. Also, in view of JK's post-DH revelation that Albus is gay, not bi, his dream-date has been changed from "a rich sultry widow" to "a rich handsome bachelor", and his description of his ideal twenty-year-old self from "handsome" to "smoulderingly beautiful", in order to avoid having the word "handsome" twice in one sentence.

8: What Hermione Did Next
Story text:
"No I - not ready to be seen yet. Not - like this."	The younger man ducked his head, embarrassed, although trusting this new Albus not to curl his lip at him was starting to feel almost natural. "No I - not ready to be seen yet. Not - like this."
they weren't just students any more, none of them, not even Potter - a constant thorn in his side	they weren't just students any more, none of them, not even Potter - a constant thorn in his side and a reminder of his own guilt
He lifted his head, trying to shake off the dizziness, and found himself facing Potter's green-glass gaze.	He lifted his head, trying to shake off the dizziness, and found himself facing Potter's green-glass gaze, so like and so unlike Lily's.
Author's note:
Additional last paragraph:	This chapter has been slightly re-edited to point up the fact that Albus had formerly been quite dismissive of Snape's problems, and that Harry's presence makes Snape remember Lily, in order to bring it in line with the new canon backstory in Deathly Hallows.

9: Matters Arising
Story text:
Thirty-nine years, and what had he to show for it?	Thirty-eight years, and what had he to show for it?
Author's note:
Additional last paragraph:	Snape's age has been reduced from thirty-nine to thirty-eight, to comply with the new canon backstory revealed in Deathly Hallows.

10: Secret Admirers
Story text:
He counted several of his colleagues as friends, of a sort, so why did having a student think of him as a friend feel so damned odd - both sweet and bitter? Perhaps because, when he was a student himself, he would have sold his soul to have somebody call him friend.	He counted several of his colleagues as friends, of a sort, so why did having a student think of him as a friend feel so damned odd - both sweet and bitter? Perhaps because, when he was a student himself, he would have sold his soul to have somebody call him friend in that natural way, as if it was a statement of fact and not just a ploy to get something out of him - especially after Lils had thrown him over.
Author's note:
Additional last paragraph:	This chapter has been slightly edited in accordance with the new backstory in Deathly Hallows, to show that Snape did have some friends at school, although mostly they were exploiting him.

11: As Others See Us
Story text:
"When I was... a bit younger than you are, Sirius Black set me up"	"When I was... a couple of years younger than you are, Sirius Black set me up"
"It would make me feel as if I'd been caught in Filch's cupboard with my trousers down"	"It would make me feel as if I'd been caught in Filch's cupboard with my pants down"
"My type as you call it would certainly include 'not a student' and 'significantly less than twenty years younger than myself'"	"My type as you call it would certainly include 'not a student' and 'significantly less than twenty years younger than myself', and trust me when I say that 'significantly less' does not mean 'four months less'"
"What can I say to you? I'm not in love with you, I don't know if I could come to feel as you feel - but I wouldn't rule it out so - resignedly."	"What can I say to you? I'm not in love with you, I don't know if I could come to feel as you feel - I was in love once, when I was younger than you are now, and I thought that I would never feel that way again, but I wouldn't rule it out so - resignedly."
"Even Albus saved me from Azkaban for the use he could make of me."	"Even my - my best friend when I was a child wanted me more for what I could teach her about magic than for myself, I think, and Albus only saved me from Azkaban for the use he could make of me."
Author's note:
Additional last paragraph:	This chapter has been re-edited in accordance with the new backstory in Deathly Hallows, in order to include the fact that he did have that early friendship with Lily and had been in love once; to make him a year younger than the evidence in OotP had suggested; and to move the date of the werewolf "prank" back to early-to-mid fifth year. I've also changed the reference to being caught with his trousers down to being caught with his pants down, after a discussion on the Yahoo group Loose Canon concluded that wizards in general, and Snape in particular, probably don't wear trousers.

12: Time Goes By
Story text:
"But I blew it, didn't I Albus? After a few weeks of - of pain I told them - I told the Dark Lord everything I knew. Thanks to me, he knows at least roughly where our headquarters are, he knows as much as you've told me about the prophecy, he knows you know about the Horcruxes - damnit, why did you tell me so much? You knew my position was precarious at best, that this might happen - " "If I hadn't taken you into my confidence, dear boy, I would have been dead twice over - once from the accident which withered my arm, and once from the poison I drank whilst retrieving the false locket. Nobody else has your skill - and could you have treated me half so well, if you hadn't known what caused my injuries?"	"But I blew it, didn't I Albus? After a few weeks of - of pain I told them - I told the Dark Lord everything I knew. Thanks to me, he knows at least roughly where our headquarters are, he knows as much as you've told me about the prophecy, he knows you found the Peverell ring and broke it, knows that I suspected you thought the diary and the ring were both Horcruxes, even if you never used the word then, and the damned locket you were so keen to get - damnit, why did you tell me so much? You knew my position was precarious at best, that this might happen - " "If I hadn't taken you into my confidence, dear boy, I would have been dead twice over - once from the curse which withered my arm, which would have spread and killed me if I hadn't come to you at once, and once from the poison I drank whilst retrieving the false locket. Nobody else has your skill - and could you have treated me half so well, if you hadn't known what caused my injuries?"
"Which were never as grave as you seem to think, and which you have expiated long since."	"Which were never as grave as you seem to think, and which you have expiated long since." "You say so now" Snape said, restless and fretful, "because you pity me, so you want to soften the blow - but when I first came to you with my sins on my hands you told me I was disgusting because I - because I cared more about a friend than about an enemy." "I was... interpreting your actions in the light of - of prior experiences which involved other people entirely, and I think now that I was wrong to do so. You proved to be... of much higher quality than I mistakenly thought at the time. You aren't an easy man to know, Severus, and I could never breach your shields and see your heart, then, even when I tried to destabilize you by attacking you. But I've seen it often enough since, with your permission, and I know it to be a sound one."
"You may... chivvy me for my own benefit, however. Albus always does,"	"You may... chivvy me for my own benefit, however. Albus has been amusing himself by doing so,"
Author's note:
Additional third paragraph:	This chapter has been re-edited in accordance with the new backstory in Deathly Hallows, to reduce the amount which Dumbledore had told Snape about the Horcruxes prior to his capture; to specify that in this time-line Albus called Snape as soon as possible after the ring-curse hit him, and that is why he is still alive; and to begin to address the fact that Albus had been very harsh to Snape in the past.

13: Language and Literature
Story text:
"Albus, I wish you would let me do it. Twice already you've only survived by the skin of your teeth and my bloody skill, and even if you and Golden Wonder-boy do manage to retrieve Helga's cup without a fatality, trying to neutralize it is going to be third-time-unlucky, believe me."	"Albus, I wish you would let me do it. Twice already you've only survived by the skin of your teeth and my bloody skill, and even if you and Golden Wonder-boy do manage to retrieve Helga's cup without a fatality, trying to neutralize it is going to be third-time-unlucky, believe me." "It's by no means certain that the cup will be very heavily protected: the diary after all was not." "But the ring and the locket and the godamn snake were - are. And thanks to me he knows what happened to the ring, and that he needs to increase security. Anyone who tries to denature that cup is going to be cursed to a bloody smoking cinder."
Yet, in an odd way, it was almost a pleasure to think about that queasy horror and know that it had brought him, less than two days later, into kindness and care and unexpected friendship; Adrian bringing him wine and choosing, for whatever strange reasons of his own, to continue to take an interest in him even after it was no longer strictly necessary;	Yet, in an odd way, it was almost a pleasure to think about that queasy horror and know that it had brought him, less than two days later, into kindness and care and unexpected friendship; Adrian bringing him wine and choosing, for whatever strange reasons of his own, to continue to take an interest in him even after it was no longer strictly necessary; Albus metamorphosing from stern commander to concerned mentor;
"Show me," Snape said commandingly, as thick blood well up in the hollow of his friend's hand. Adrian held his hand out, wordlessly, and Snape passed the end of his wand across it, singing under his breath a humming, buzzing, lilting little tune, and the cut flesh healed itself again.	"Show me," Snape said commandingly, as thick blood well up in the hollow of his friend's hand, though the sight and the iron smell of it brought a cold wash of nausea to clutch at his throat and prickle across his skin. Adrian held his hand out, wordlessly, and Snape swallowed hard and passed the end of his wand across it, singing under his breath a humming, buzzing, lilting little tune, and the cut flesh healed itself again.
"And so you're going to ride into the lists for me, wearing my favour? That would be - actually, seriously, that would be... almost overwhelming. Apart from Albus, nobody ever really.... God. Having someone to fight for me. A real ally. God. But you have to promise to let me do the same for you, when I am - if and when Filius manages to make me a set of prostheses I can reliably stand on without falling on my arse. And if you kiss me like that again, I am seriously going to need ten minutes on my own."	"And so you're going to ride into the lists for me, wearing my favour? That would be - actually, seriously, that would be... almost overwhelming. Apart from Albus, nobody ever really.... God. Having someone to fight for me. A real ally. God." And she would do it, that was the amazing thing but he could see it in the determined set of her fine-boned jaw: she would defy her housemates for him, as Lily in the end had not, and he thought that he might declare his allegiance to the Muggle-born Gryffindor chit in front of all Slytherin and hang the consequences, as his schoolboy self, in the end, had not. "But you have to promise to let me do the same for you, when I am - if and when Filius manages to make me a set of prostheses I can reliably stand on without falling on my arse. And if you kiss me like that again, I am seriously going to need ten minutes on my own."
Author's note:
Additional last paragraph:	This chapter has been re-edited in accordance with the new backstory in Deathly Hallows, to comment on Snape's friendship with Lily and the harshness of his early relationship with Albus, and to reduce the amount of information which Albus had previously given him about the Horcruxes. In addition, Snape has been shown as feeling queasy when Adrian cuts himself: this was a detail which was simply forgotten about the first time round.

14: Enter the Dragon
Story text:
"I can do a corporeal Patronus... want to see?" To her surprize he winced and dropped his eyes. "Then that's already more than I can do" he muttered. "I can only make a wavering ghost-image of one at best, not something that can hold its form - I - I don't have enough good memories to make a proper corporeal Patronus. Or if I ever did, the Dementors sucked them out of me when I was in Azkaban. But yes - show me. 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' - isn't that what little boys are supposed to say to little girls behind the garden shed? We need to be able to recognize each other's Patronuses even when there isn't an opportunity to sense the... the spirit that animates the image." She leaned in to kiss him until they were both breathing rather hard. "Have you tried lately?" she murmured. "Because if I need to put more work into creating good memories for both of us, I think I can bear the sacrifice." She kissed him again, then sat back, pulling her wand out of her sleeve. "Expecto Patronum!" A moment later, her silvery otter was swimming through the air around them, seeming intrigued by Severus and appearing almost to sniff him as it gambolled past. Hermione smiled fondly at it. "Look, it likes you!" He reached out to touch it, fascinated. "Amazing. I can put my hand through it, and yet it looks almost solid - which is much more than my own Patronus can do. And - seriously, I'm all for - trying to build up a stock of good memories involving... but at the moment anything to do with sex, anything to do with feeling aroused, is still all tangled up with terror and pain and - shame. However much.... However - delightful carrying on with you may be, if I tried to use it to generate a Patronus in the presence of a real Dementor, it would be too easy for the mind-raper to twist and warp that connection and leave me - sobbing on the floor in a circle of Death Eaters again, waiting to see who'll be first. Not, however," he added lightly, "that that is any reason to desist from building up a stock of - pleasant memories having to do with sex. There are more important things in life than fooling around with a wand. Um - the wooden kind, that is." He picked his new wand up off the bedside table and flourished it with self-mocking bravado. "Expecto Patronum!" The cloud of sparkling silver which emerged was much thinner and more translucent than Hermione's otter, a wavering ghost which rippled as though projected onto the surface of moving water, but it was indeed rather clearer than usual, and it was possible to make out the sweeping tail and proud crest of a phoenix. "Fawkes, you see, Fawkes has been my safety and cried for me when I was injured ever since I first became Dumbledore's man. Except the last time, of course, when - Riddle made sure that even a phoenix's magic could not heal me or ease my pain, and my survival depended, in the last resort, on Harry bloody Potter's pig-headed refusal to accept the inevitable. But I absolutely refuse to have Potter become my new Patronus!" Hermione reached out, her fingers brushing through the sweeping tail. "It's beautiful," she said softly, and then she sighed. "And... before... I wasn't really referring to sex." Egotistical, to hope that being loved by her would constitute a memory good enough for a Patronus. "I mean, waking up to find Professor McGonagall asleep on you with all her paws in the air, for example..." she added hastily, grinning at him. "Or Draco being safe, that could be a good one."	"I can do a corporeal Patronus... want to see?" To her surprize he winced and dropped his eyes. "What is it, Severus?" she asked quietly, and then winced herself. "I know that - that it's a spell that even some very experienced and powerful wizards have problems with." A horrible suspicion was dawning that he truly had no good memories to draw on. Severus shook his head tightly. "It's not that I can't do one but it - not really mine, as such. A copy of... one that belonged to a friend." Hermione frowned. "Belonged... in the past tense?" The same sharp, curtailed movement - a nod, this time. "She died. And we - we were no longer on good terms when she - died, and it was my fault." That was enough, surely? - he didn't have to say that her death was his fault too, that he had seen her die.... "I have no good memories, except of her friendship, or if I ever did have the Dementors sucked them out of me when I was in Azkaban. They didn't take my memories of her because they - hurt more than they healed, but by the same token the Patronus I generate in her memory can't save me from a Dementor either - it's too easy for them to twist it and make me remember her death, our quarrel" - my guilt, he added in the privacy of his own head. "And I've no other good memories that I could use to generate a Patronus of my own." And he wasn't sure that he would if he could, that was part of the secret in his heart, that he prized his own penance, his own loyalty to a dead girl's memory, too much to want to give it up. He tried to push the thought aside, to concentrate on this other girl who might be his lover as Lily never was (even if he might not ever love her as completely as he had loved Lily), and flashed Hermione one of his dry, self-mocking smiles. "But yes - show me. 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' - isn't that what little boys are supposed to say to little girls behind the garden shed? We need to be able to recognize each other's Patronuses even when there isn't an opportunity to sense the... the spirit that animates the image." She leaned in to kiss him, and then felt guilty for it, knowing that it hadn't been solely for his comfort. The disguised pain in his voice when he spoke of his 'friend'... she'd have wagered there was more than friendship, at least for him, and he'd lost her and it still hurt him. It was horribly unfair to be jealous of her, whoever she was... but she couldn't bring herself to ask for a name, either. "Have you tried lately?" she asked, trying to sound as if she'd noticed nothing at all. "Because if I need to put more work into creating good memories for both of us, I think I can bear the sacrifice." She kissed him again, then sat back, pulling her wand out of her sleeve. "Expecto Patronum!" A moment later, her silvery otter was swimming through the air around them, seeming intrigued by Severus and appearing almost to sniff him as it gambolled past. Hermione smiled fondly at it. "Look, it likes you!" He reached out to touch it, fascinated. "Amazing. It looks almost solid - which is a lot more than mine did at your age. And - seriously, I'm all for - trying to build up a stock of good memories involving... but at the moment anything to do with sex, anything to do with feeling aroused, is still all tangled up with terror and pain and - shame. However much.... However - delightful carrying on with you may be, if I tried to use it to generate a Patronus in the presence of a real Dementor, it would be too easy for the mind-raper to twist and warp that connection and leave me - sobbing on the floor in a circle of Death Eaters again, waiting to see who'll be first. Not, however," he added lightly, "that that is any reason to desist from building up a stock of - pleasant memories having to do with sex. There are more important things in life than fooling around with a wand. Um - the wooden kind, that is." He picked his new wand up off the bedside table and flourished it with self-mocking bravado. "Expecto Patronum!" The cloud of sparkling silver flowed together and formed itself into a delicate white doe, slender-legged and nervy and solemn-eyed, poised and tense as if to skitter away at a word. "Oh, Severus," Hermione said softly; "she's - beautiful!" "I wish I could claim that beauty for myself," he muttered, and thought that he meant it in more than one sense, for he had wished to have claimed Lily herself. "She was - beautiful, and the Patronus reflects the beauty in her, not in me." Did he still wish it? If Lily had loved him instead of James, things would have gone very differently but he would then have lost something valuable, a loving connection, as well as gained one. Hermione gave him a troubled look, hating the way his gaze seemed to turn unhappily inwards on himself. "I don't think you could summon something so - so lovely, if you didn't have a bit of loveliness in you." "Perhaps," he agreed, sounding sad and tired. "I've never been able to see any loveliness in myself, even before they.... And I always thought that if I were ever to grow a Patronus of my own, one that wasn't a copy of hers, it would still be a mere bloody copy, because it would be Fawkes, the same as Dumbledore's. Fawkes, you see, Fawkes has been my safety and cried for me when I was injured ever since I first became Dumbledore's man. Except the last time, of course, when - Riddle made sure that even a phoenix's magic could not heal me or ease my pain, and my survival depended, in the last resort, on Harry bloody Potter's pig-headed refusal to accept the inevitable. But I absolutely refuse to have Potter become my new Patronus!" Hermione reached out, her fingers tracing the soft, mobile ears, the slender column of the neck which arched under her hand. "It's beautiful," she said again softly, and then she sighed. "And... before... I wasn't really referring to sex." Egotistical, to hope that being loved by her would constitute a memory good enough for a Patronus, and she forced jealousy away again. She was glad that there had been someone, even if she'd died eventually, that his life hadn't been quite as lonely as it might have been. And she'd keep telling herself that until it was so. "I mean, waking up to find Professor McGonagall asleep on you with all her paws in the air, for example..." she added hastily, grinning at him. "Or Draco being safe, that could be a good one."
Behind him the phoenix wavered in the air like a fading TV signal, and went out.	Behind him the doe wavered in the air like a fading TV signal, and went out.
"he's a student, for God's sake, it's my job to keep him alive and safe and I've done everything in my power to do so, even though the bloody little fool seems hell-bent on throwing his life away on a whim."	"he's a student, for God's sake, it's my job to keep him alive and safe and I've done everything in my power to do so, quite apart from the fact that his mother was a, a friend, and even though the bloody little fool seems hell-bent on throwing his life away on a whim."
"Black - after years of bloody persecution he still managed to persuade me that he wanted to call a truce, that he was sorry for having humiliated me so badly at the end of the preceding year, that if I would only take his dare and go where they went, they would let me join their bloody little Gang of Four."	"Black - after years of bloody persecution he still managed to persuade me that he wanted to call a truce, and that if I would only take his dare and go where they went, they would let me join their bloody little Gang of Four."
Author's note:
We are told that the Bloody Baron is pale, gaunt and silent with blank, staring eyes, and is dressed in bloodstained robes - but we are never told whether it's his blood or someone else's. I think people usually vaguely assume that he was "bloody" in the sense of "Bloody Jefferies", the infamous "hanging judge": but he seems on the whole to be a force for order and safety at Hogwarts, not a dangerous monster, and the fact that the Baron is given to "groaning and clanking" in the Astronomy Tower suggests that he died in pain and in chains, and that he was the victim of an atrocity instead of (or possibly as well as) the perpetrator.	We are told that the Bloody Baron is pale, gaunt and silent with blank, staring eyes, and is dressed in bloodstained robes - but prior to Deathly Hallows we were never told whether it was his blood or someone else's. I think people usually vaguely assumed that he was "bloody" in the sense of "Bloody Jefferies", the infamous "hanging judge": but he seems on the whole to be a force for order and safety at Hogwarts, not a dangerous monster, and the fact that the Baron is given to "groaning and clanking" in the Astronomy Tower suggested to us that he died in pain and in chains, and that he was the victim of an atrocity instead of (or possibly as well as) the perpetrator. This explanation has now been somewhat canon-shafted, but we are fudging it by assuming that the Grey Lady was fantasizing when she said the Baron was her fatal lover.
Additional last paragraph:	This chapter has been re-edited to comply with the new backstory revealed in Deathly Hallows. The main change is that Snape's Patronus is now a solid-looking silver doe, rather than a wavering phoenix, and the conversation about Patronuses has had to be substantially re-written. Other than that, there is more emphasis on the fact that Harry's mother was Snape's friend, and a reference to Sirius having lured Snape to the Shrieking Shack after the underpants incident has been removed.

15: Crawl Before You Can Walk
Story text:
"Somebody had to do it, and I seemed to be the only bloody candidate."	"Somebody had to do it, and I seemed to be the only bloody candidate. And I had - a guilt to expiate."
Filius Flitwick was away, deep in rural Wales somewhere trying to break the complex mesh of charms and hexes sealing off an abandoned mineshaft which might, just possibly, hide Helga Hufflepuff's cup,	Filius Flitwick was away, schmoozing a distant goblin cousin in Aberystwyth in the hopes of gaining entry to the Lestrange family vault at Gringotts which might, just possibly, hide Helga Hufflepuff's cup,
"No, what I need is somebody who is on my level - neither parent nor child - and who I can feel is on my side, as I am on theirs."	"No, what I need is somebody who is on my level - neither parent nor child - and who I can feel is on my side, as I am on theirs." Lily, as much as he had loved her and as much as she had been his friend, had been too critical and contrary to offer much in the way of support, and Avery and Mulciber had had a talent for sloping off whenever he needed actual backing against actual hexes - even before they had metamorphosed into jeering torturers.
"But it was designed to - well, to cut people. I know that sounds bad - but it doesn't cut very deep, and used properly it was intended to be defensive rather than offensive, to just - give somebody a little nick, to scare them off with, really. Potter might even find it useful to defend himself with, the next time he runs his silly neck into some Death Eater's noose. But if he used it clumsily - especially if he doesn't yet know much healing-magic - there's a risk he could hit an artery or an eye or something and do somebody real damage."	"But it was designed to - well, to cut people, and if you actually cut something off them it won't normally regrow. "I know that sounds bad - but it was one of the few spells that would work on a werewolf and not just heal instantly and, well, you'll understand why I thought I might need it. And so long as you're careful with it it doesn't cut very deep, and used properly it was intended to be defensive rather than offensive, to just - give somebody a little nick, to scare them off with, really. Potter might even find it useful to defend himself with, the next time he runs his silly neck into some Death Eater's noose. But if he used it clumsily - especially if he doesn't yet know much healing-magic - there's a risk he could take someone's arm off or hit an artery or an eye or something and do somebody real damage."
"So, um, Sectumsempra was my way of saying "Cutter forever."	"So, um, Sectumsempra was my way of saying "Sever forever."
Author's note:
Additional last paragraphs:	This chapter has been re-edited in accordance with the new backstory revealed in Deathly Hallows, to show Flitwick trying to retrieve the Hufflepuff cup from Gringott's rather than from a mine-shaft, as we originally had it, and to comment on Snape's sense of guilt and on the fact that he did have friendships at school, but they weren't very supportive. The comments about Sectumsempra have also been adjusted. I (whitehound) originally assumed that because Sectumsempra can be translated as "Sever Forever", and because Snape referred at the end of HBP to Harry stealing his spells, plural, Snape himself must have invented Sectumsempra, despite the fact that it was written in his book without any workings-out. But the revelation in DH that the name describes its action, and the casual way Remus refers to it as if it is a well-known spell, makes it more ambiguous. In my solo stories I have decided to have Snape not having invented the spell, but having simply adopted it because of the name. In this story, though, I left it as his own invention, since we had already written the conversation between him and Hermione about it. Why would young Severus want to invent, or even learn, such a nasty spell? Well, the fact that Sectumsempra prevents missing bits from being regrown isn't as bad as it sounds, because we've plenty of evidence that the wizarding world can't usually replace missing bits anyway. Then, we know werewolves are immune to most magic, because Snape had to be rescued from Remus. Were-Remus turns into a beast with paws who cannot hold a wand, so if magic worked on him Snape could simply have Stupefied him, and wouldn't have needed James to save him. We can also surmise that werewolves probably heal almost instantly - partly because tradition says that only silver can kill them, and partly because we know that in were-form Remus bites and scratches himself, and outside the realms of fanon there's no mention of him being scarred. So young Snape might well have felt that he needed such a spell which interfered with magical healing for protection from Remus - and we now know that the first time we see him use it, during the underpants incident, was after Sirius tried to feed him to the werewolf. If he invented that spell, or was taught it or a predecessor by his mother, when he was much younger, he might have had another reason. Growing up, as he probably did, somewhere in the Manchester area he would have started school while the notorious paedophile serial killers called the Moors Murderers were operating in that area. He or his mother might well have thought that a defensive spell which produced wounds which looked as if they'd been made by a Muggle weapon could be a literal life-saver.

16: Voice Recognition
Story text:
creative verbal bitchiness had always been one of his favourite pastimes, and one of the main planks of his friendship with Albus.	creative verbal bitchiness had always been one of his favourite pastimes, and one of the main planks of his friendship with Albus, insofar as what he had had with Albus prior to his immolation could be termed friendship.
"So, um, does that mean that you and my mum...?" "Not in so many words. She was just - every boy in the school, practically, wanted to impress her, and she was - well, the only person I could actually talk to about Potions, apart from Horace Slughorn. We were in the Slug Club together, you understand. Having her see me - like that - " He grimaced. "I suppose I should be grateful that she didn't stay to see me actually stripped. It's mortifying enough to know that you saw...." "Um. I didn't, actually. I didn't see that much of the memory, just - up to when they were threatening to - you know. I never knew whether they did or not." He looked down, colouring slightly and fiddling with a strand of the rug. "I'm sorry," he muttered. He looked up again in time to see Snape give him a tiny nod of acknowledgement, his mouth tightening at the corners as he did so. "I'm sorry that I lost what little self-control I had left at that point and insulted your mother when she was trying to help me," Snape replied soberly, "but - well, quite apart from being nearly ready to drop dead from shear bloody embarrassment, I was bloody terrified. Slytherin House at that time had more Death Eater sympathisers than all the other houses put together, and even those that weren't were nearly all pure-bloods, and I was this scrawny, penniless, common little half-blood, stuck there in the middle: I might as well have painted a bloody target on my back. I just about managed to hold my own because by that point they all knew I could come up with hexes and poisons they didn't know the antidote to, but if I'd let myself be publicly rescued by a Muggle-born girl - God." He pressed his hand against his mouth, an unconscious, nervous gesture, staring at Potter over the back of it. "At least your father and Black couldn't get at me while I was sleeping."	"So, um, does that mean that you and my mum...?" "Not in so many words. But she was my friend, since we were children - my only friend, for a long time, and most of the other friends I made since turned out to be...." His mouth tightened as he made a wordless gesture indicating the scars which decorated it. "And she was - well, the only person I could actually talk to about Potions, apart from Horace Slughorn. I should have been content with that I suppose but she was - lovely. Every boy in the school, practically, wanted to impress her. Having her see me - like that - " He grimaced. "I suppose I should be grateful that she didn't stay to see me actually stripped. It's mortifying enough to know that you saw...." "Um. I didn't, actually. I didn't see that much of the memory, just - up to when they were threatening to - you know. I never knew whether they did or not." He looked down, colouring slightly and fiddling with a strand of the rug. "I'm sorry," he muttered. He looked up again in time to see Snape give him a tiny nod of acknowledgement, his mouth tightening at the corners as he did so. "I'm more sorry than you could believe that I lost what little self-control I had left at that point and insulted your mother when she was trying to help me," Snape replied soberly, "especially since - since I lost her friendship along with that self-control, and her friendship was... of great value to me. But - well, quite apart from being nearly ready to drop dead from shear bloody embarrassment, I was bloody terrified. Slytherin House at that time had more Death Eater sympathisers than all the other houses put together, and even those that weren't were nearly all pure-bloods, and I was this scrawny, penniless, common little half-blood, stuck there in the middle: I might as well have painted a bloody target on my back. "I did have a few friends in Slytherin, of a sort," (of the sort who had later become prominent among his torturers, his abusers), "but they weren't the sort that could be relied on for backup - as they proved when they stood by while your bloody father dangled me upside-down and stripped me. I knew right then, if I hadn't known it before, that I was on my own as far as my own house went. I just about managed to hold my own because by that point they all knew I could come up with hexes and poisons they didn't know the antidote to, but if I'd let myself be publicly rescued by a Muggle-born, Gryffindor girl - God." He pressed his hand against his mouth, an unconscious, nervous gesture, staring at Potter over the back of it. "At least your father and Black couldn't get at me while I was sleeping."
Hermione smiled, and when Harry was turned away she kissed her fingertips and brushed them against Snape's scarred cheek. "Well, nobody ever gave Harry trouble about spending time with a girl, as far as I know, and boys usually do. They seem to accept me as a sort of force of nature."	Hermione smiled, and when Harry was turned away she kissed her fingertips and brushed them against Snape's scarred cheek. "Well, nobody ever gave Harry trouble about spending time with a girl, as far as I know, and boys usually do. They seem to accept me as a sort of force of nature." He gave her a tight, fleeting smile in return and wondered if Potter was right. If it had been Hermione all those years ago, and not Lily, would she have continued to defend him, even after his unforgivable insult? Would she have accepted his abject, stammering apologies, as Lily had not, and not thrown him over, as Lily had?
Author's note:
Additional last paragraph (prior to Blackjack instructions):	This chapter has been re-edited in accordance with the new backstory revealed in Deathly Hallows, to show that Albus and Severus had not been very close friends prior to Snape's torture, and to comment on Snape's friendship with Lily. Part of the scene between Harry, Snape and Hermione, where Harry asks about the nature of Snape's relationship with his mum, has been substantially re-written.

17: The Names of the Rose
Story text:
"But it was my fight at least as much as his, Longbottom, and I was willing to be risked. What would you think of a - an army officer, who sent other people's sons and other people's friends into danger, but kept his own friends safe?" He picked up the beer again and stared into its murky depths. "No, I have no quarrel with Albus for using any weapon he could against - Riddle, and I don't blame him in any way for what has happened to me. I knew the risks, and I accepted them; to complain now would be like a - a soldier moaning because pitched battle turned out to be more dangerous than a walk in the park. I took the King's Shilling - in a manner of speaking - and I knew what I was doing."	"But it was my fight at least as much as his, Longbottom, and I was willing to be risked. At least, he - he exerted pressure on me to become a spy in the first instance, but I had every reason to comply, both the personal, to - to protect a friend and to expiate my own guilt, and the political, because I had realized already that Riddle's dream of a resurgent wizardry was more of a bloody nightmare. And latterly - after Riddle's return he did give me a choice, whether to resume spying or not, and should he have refused to accept my compliance? What would you think of a - an army officer, who sent other people's sons and other people's friends into danger, but kept his own friends safe? Quite apart from the fact that neither running nor hiding would have done me much bloody good." He picked up the beer again and stared into its murky depths. "No, I have no quarrel with Albus for using any weapon he could against - Riddle, and I don't blame him in any way for what has happened to me. I knew the risks, and I accepted them; to complain now would be like a - a soldier moaning because pitched battle turned out to be more dangerous than a walk in the park. I took the King's Shilling - in a manner of speaking - and I knew what I was doing."
"For the first time... for the first time I feel as if Adrian is right and I really am going to be - all right. If not quite yet, then eventually. And I have never - I never had anything like - " He stopped, cleared his throat. "Just - sitting with friends" he went on in a rush, "talking. Having friends to sit and talk with." He took a sip of beer to cover his embarrassment, although he found that his hand was shaking slightly. "Albus doesn't really count. He's fond of me - I do believe that, now - but it's hard just to have a natural conversation with him, because he's such a bloody game-player."	"For the first time... for the first time I feel as if Adrian is right and I really am going to be - all right. If not quite yet, then eventually. And I have never - except sometimes at school I never had anything like - " He stopped, cleared his throat. "Just - sitting with friends" he went on in a rush, "talking. Having friends to sit and talk with." He took a sip of beer to cover his embarrassment, although he found that his hand was shaking slightly. "Albus doesn't really count. He's fond of me - I do believe that, now, or at least that he's fond of me now - but it's hard just to have a natural conversation with him, because he's such a bloody game-player."
Author's note:
Additional last paragraph:	This chapter has been re-edited in accordance with the new backstory revealed in Deathly Hallows, to show that Snape did at least have some friends at school, that Albus was not a very close friend prior to Snape's being injured, and that Albus did strong-arm Snape into becoming a spy in the first instance, even if he agreed fairly willingly.

18: Treacherous Footing
Story text:
"She is alone, as I was,"	"She is alone, even more than I was,"
"Everybody got to shag Cormac, practically," Tonks said with a grin, flicking her wand to cast restraining cords around both girls. "He was notorious for it, even in first year. Did you know he had a full beard when he was twelve?"	"Everybody got to shag Cormac, practically," Tonks said with a grin, flicking her wand to cast restraining cords around both girls, who seemed to be trying to tear each other's hair out by the roots. "He was notorious for it, even in first year. Did you know he had a full beard when he was twelve?"
"Nobody thought they needed to prevent it" the older woman said irritably. "Albus thought - we all thought - that you were... sound." "And how bloody wrong you all were. But then he wasn't really seeing me, was he, just a - a tool." "There's a level on which Albus sees everyone as a tool, including himself, and you know that people-skills were never his long suit. Unlike Black, though, you at least were a tool he actively liked. He really did, and does, trust you absolutely."	"Nobody thought they needed to prevent it" the older woman said irritably. "Not as compared with Sirius, anyway. Of course, we knew you were running with... bad company, but who in Slytherin was not, at that time? And the fact that you were such friends with a Muggle-born, a Gryffindor.... Horace was quite sure that you were... sound, and Albus concurred." "And how bloody wrong they both were. But then neither of them were really seeing me, were they, just a - a tool." "There's a level on which Dumbledore sees everyone as a tool, including himself, and you know that people-skills were never his long suit. Unlike Black, though, you at least were a tool he valued very highly. He really did, and does, trust you absolutely."
"Jus' - just wish Albus was here to complete the set."	"Jus' - just wish Albus was here to complete the set." He was drowsily aware that before he was injured, before Albus's sudden access of sentimentality about his ruined carcass, the Headmaster had made a very doubtful father-substitute - but then he was used to the idea of a father as a cold and scornful task-master, and at least Albus, even in his earlier incarnation, had never actually beaten him and had praised him when he did well.
Extra section, delineated by dividers, inserted after the three-way Severus/Minerva/Bloody Baron conversation which ends "If you must know, he pinched my arse, and I slapped him."	"You know, don't you," Minerva said thoughtfully, "that the Grey Lady has put it about that you murdered her in a fit of jealousy, because she had rejected your - your suit, and then killed yourself out of remorse?" "Oh aye," the Baron replied, grinning a grin which revealed a mouthful of irregular tombstone teeth which made Severus's look almost pretty. "She disnae like people to know that I dumped her. Let alane that she wis sae pish-poor at Herbology that she died of eating a dodgy mushroom."
Author's note:
Additional last paragraph:	This chapter has been re-edited in accordance with the new backstory revealed in Deathly Hallows, to show that Severus wasn't completely friendless as a child, and that Albus made a remote, borderline-abusive father-figure before Severus was injured. The Daphne/Padma incident now has added hair-pulling, just because one of our reviewers asked for it, and the Baron explains why the Grey Lady's version of his death, as given in Deathly Hallows, differs from ours.

Lost and Found

Old:

New:

Prologue

The story so far

1: A Doctor in the House

2: Emergency Ward 9¾

3: Speaking in Tongues

4: Waking Dreams

5: Stone Walls Do Not a Prison Make

6: Holding On

7: Sleeptalking

8: What Hermione Did Next

9: Matters Arising

10: Secret Admirers

11: As Others See Us

12: Time Goes By

13: Language and Literature

14: Enter the Dragon

15: Crawl Before You Can Walk

16: Voice Recognition

17: The Names of the Rose

18: Treacherous Footing