The Story

Dr Arnold Arbuthnott has been a psychiatrist for twenty years and is, quite frankly, more depressed then his patients. The accumulative effect of treating two decades worth of other people's problems has taken its toll - Dr Arbuthnott is at the end of his tether. He has even resorted to buying a self-help video in an attempt to cure his own depression. However the horrific cheesiness of the American psychiatrist on the tape forces him to eject the tape in disgust.

One day the inevitable happens and he snaps. He has been seeing a particularly annoying patient with marital troubles. Arnold loses his temper and tells the patent to sod off and leave his wife if that's what he wants to do. The patient is shocked and decides that he had better leave. For Dr Arbuthnott the feeling of relief is tremendous. He realises that there is actually nothing to stop him from telling his patients exactly what he thinks and that is precisely what he vows to do from now on.

However this new course of action soon leads to even more problems for the good doctor. Rather then making people stay away as he had hoped, more and more people come to see him. It seems that deep down most of his patients actually find it refreshing to be told the truth for once. Much to the delight of his devoted secretary Janice, Dr Arbuthnott's appointment book fills ever more quickly. Almost as quickly as the doctor sinks into an ever deeper depression.

The doctor's patients become ever more strange as well. Weirdest of the lost has to be Bernard Wright, a man who is sexually aroused by toffee. Normally even Dr Arbuthnott would find this an interesting case but not now, his mental state has reached an all time low.

Then one day he finds the self-help tape in his drawer. A new plan forms in his mind. The last scene of the film's script is reproduced below:

19. A living room somewhere. Int. Day

An unseen somebody takes a video-tape off their shelf and puts it into their video recorder. A simple title screen appears. It says "Self Help the Arbuthnott Way". Dr Arbuthnott appears on screen being filmed in his office. He turns towards the camera.

(soothing voice) Right now you've got a problem. That's why you've bought this tape. I'm going to help you solve those problems. But lets not fanny around here, the only person with a problem is you. So the first thing you're going to do is learn to bloody well pull yourself together...

A hand reaches into shot and picks up a Curly Wurly. The sound of heavy breathing can be heard...